If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
