There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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