you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
