If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
