this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
