the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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