if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
