Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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