I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize