I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
