Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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