someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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