just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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