I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
