Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
