Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
