she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
