What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
