I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Actions speak louder than pants.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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