at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
