I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
