Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
