Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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