I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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