Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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