I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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