i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
