I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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