hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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