How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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