And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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