I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
honey bunches of taint.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize