so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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