What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
