giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
