NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
