Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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