that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
