yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
