And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
