the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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