He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
May the power of my ass compel you!!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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