It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
