a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
