Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
