I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
