I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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