Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize