how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
