i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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