I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize