I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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