I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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