i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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