Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
