I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
