I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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