Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize