Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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