My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
