Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
