apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
