I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my shit smells like andre
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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