I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Randomize
