Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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