I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
