So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
