I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
