In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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