Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Everyone says I win the strip club
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize