Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
