did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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